I want every page I write to be fresh, a new world to itself and me, I want to be surprised and sometimes very disgusted by what I write I have moved from straight genre sci fi to a messy metaphysical melting pot. From nihilism to meaning and every now and then back again I got up in the other night in the middle of the night to write a story I loved at midnight but found quite dull when I was also me at 10am in the morning. But in the end it was a disjointed story of allegories for life on another planet, strange physical intimacies that make you squirm, and a character who can't go to sleep yet because she needs to eat another orange. I wish to become the avant-garde writer of your waking nightmares. I already am. A nightmare writer but occasionally something really good comes out that someone else might love. As long as I love and commit to every word I write that really is all that matters. Every word can't be wonderful. It needs to be jagged and messy and inc
I've always had a hostile reaction to the romantic notion that writers are supposed to 'be in love with words'. I just don't feel that emotion towards words, it's not natural and it doesn't fit, the same way I don't really find babies cute on a visceral level. Of course, you have to coo and make the right sounds when you see a baby, and when you're a writer, and someone says, "oh, so you love words then", you have to say "haha, of course...they are just so beautiful." Whilst inside I feel dead. I guess I am the writer equivalent of a sociopath. I pretend to have normal writerly emotions to words and language when secretly I want to skin them alive. Why DO writers have to be "in love" with words. I'm not. They are one of my worst enemies. They only obfuscate meaning, get in the way of truth. I only use words to make fun of them, to expose their deficiencies. You can build with them, make them do and say any